Sunday, January 1, 2012

Getting over my anger

If you remember back in May I had posted about my anger about my grandmother's passing. When I had gone home for my surprise visit I finally was able to talk to my dad about it. I got the courage.

We sat in his living room talking about my mom. And I brought up how angry I was that I never had closure with my grandmother. And how my mom not wanting a service might make it so no one in my family has closure.

I told him that I didn't believe him that she was gone. That I was mad at him. How hard it was for me.

He told me how everything happened. How he too had guilt. He told me that Gram's wishes were for her ashes to be scattered over the adirondack mountains as that is where we enjoyed most of our time.

He then got up and walked away. He brought out a box, wrapped in brown paper with his address on it. Put it in my lap and said, Here is gram. My heart felt so,... I'm not even sure. I had my grandma there with me! He brought me pictures. We reminisced. I finally had closure. He told me that he could not scatter her ashes because it made it final that she was gone.

It made me feel better about the anger and hurt I had as he was feeling the same way. My dad is all I have now with my mom gone and to know that i've grown enough to be able to tell him how i was hurting made me feel like a new person. I never felt so good in my entire life.

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